My Book / On Writing

One week after…

Can you believe that a week ago today I was getting all dolled up for the book launch? I can barely believe it. We all know that time flies and this is a perfect example. 

Life as swung back into full gear like nothing special happened. It’s funny how it does that, eh? You plan for a year for a wedding, months for a vacation, your life for a dream to come true then WHAMMO – a week later, life’s still chuggin’ as normal as can be. I guess having a new baby is one exception to the rule! 

Indeed, the months, weeks and days leading up to our book launch were intense. It was very much like a pregnancy and labour. I’m certainly thrilled with the baby that is ‘Laughing Through A Second Pregnancy – A Memoir’! 

Everyday I do work on promoting this new child of mine. I’m doing my best to get her ‘out there’ in the big, beautiful world. 

Tina Fey is pregnant with her second baby. I’m gonna send her a book. Why not? Wouldn’t it be fabulous if she read it? And I made her laugh? She makes us laugh so often, it’d be an honour to return the favour. A kid can dream, right? You know I’ll find an address for Tom and Katie when they’re preggers again and send them the book too! Woohoo!

Friends and family keep asking me how I felt the day after. I think I couldn’t really identify how I felt at that point. The day and evening felt like a dream. You know when you wake up from a dream and you’re not really sure if it was real? That’s how I felt. I was physically sore. I’m not sure if it was because I wore heels the whole night and that’s, like, as far as I’ve known myself, impossible! It could have been the two glasses of wine and one shot of tequila (no salt) that made me feel a little swollen. Like wearing heels, drinking and me don’t usually go together. It could have been because I was so tense leading up to my reading, that my muscles were sore from squeezing in anxiety all day. Who knows, really? The point is, when I woke up the next morning I was certainly ‘feeling’ a lot. 

Emotionally, I felt like I wasn’t really sure it happened. Then, after some food, some lovin’ from the kids and Nick, and a much needed journal, I knew it happened. I understood why the smile on my face was permanent and reaching beyond each ear. I understood why I was feeling so elated. 

You see, when I was in high school I was…hmmm, what’s the term? I was ‘involved’. I joined every club and sport I could, including student council. By OAC (which no longer exists and I’m so thankful I experienced!), I was the Prime Minister of student council. I was on stage all the time. Whether it was for a pep rally, a play (me, a thespian? Yes!) or any other random event that called for me being in front of a large crowd –  I was on stage. And LOVING it. 

While I was sitting in the chair listening to Greg and Alicia (super job, MCs!), and my heart was pounding beneath every inch of my skin, I remembered that I’d felt this before. This mixture of excitement, nerves, and fear. I felt this fuzzy-headed, legs-turning-to-marshmellow feeling before. Lots and lots of times. In high school. 

I remembered that it all stemmed from a place inside of me that I haven’t touched in a looooong time. That place inside of me that got up on stage because there were important things to be said up there. Things that mattered. And wrapped like a caterpillar in its cacoon was this passion for self-expression that I forgot I had in me. 

I nearly passed out (and crapped my pants, sorry, but I almost did) a few seconds before I got on stage. When I stood behind the mic, cue cards and book in my shaking, cold and clammy hands, I could breathe. I looked out at all the faces watching me and I felt home. 

My brain worked in a way it hadn’t worked in a long time. It didn’t fumble. It was funny and quick. It was confident and passionate. THANK YOU, BRAIN!

I felt like I could have stayed up there forever. And I hope I do. Get to stay up there for bits of forever. 

As I sip my second cup of ‘clear liquid chicken broth’ (colonoscopy is tomorrow morning), my feet are cold and my fingertips too because all this remembering is physical. I’m nervous just writing about my nervousness! And yet, somehow, I write it. I get up on stage and I speak it. I find that passion and confidence…somehow.

On a daily basis, I don’t live from this place. I can admit that easily. Even in high school, I was up on that stage and feeling at home there, but once I got off, I felt scared, judged. I knew that what mattered to me didn’t matter to everyone. I know that now. But what’s the point of anything if we can find what ‘matters’ and do something about it?

Okay, Sister Preachy-Preach…I found my ‘Matters Mojo’ and I’m stickin’ with it.

I had a blast at the launch. The people, the food, the music – the literature! It was spectacular. 

Can you believe it? I’m a published author!!!

Woohooo!

Thank you everyone for your love and support!

Vansmiles

 

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