My Family / On Writing

Life Update (Magic)

I’m staring at the keyboard and wondering where to begin.

You know, I read so many blogs and articles that give ‘how-to’ lists about how to get the most of your blog. How to get the most readers, the most comments, the most, the most, the most…and still other blogs and articles say it’s not about quantity but quality, although be sure you know your on-line identity and stick to it. Ask yourself the very important question: who is your intended audience?

Today…and the days previous to this one…and I’m sure the days to follow as well, I’m feeling like I want to flip it to everything rule-related…to anything that attempts to contain, organize and/or rationalize the internet let alone ‘life’.

My truth today is that life is precious…writing it makes me cringe because I know how this cliche can rub us the wrong way when we hear it at the wrong time. But, I just don’t know what other way to express my sentiment. Being alive is truly a gift. And it’s a precious gift. And I’m acutely aware of this today…as I was yesterday and the day before…

And quite frankly I’m feeling sad about it. I’m feeling frustrated by it. I’m feeling grateful for it. And gosh darnit, that really messes up my on-line identity, doesn’t it? I’m confused and frustrated and yet extremely happy and totally pensive and quiet…

I started a new job that I’m L-O-V-I-N-G-ing. It’s adding some new layers of busy-ness onto my already busy life, but it brings me too much joy to stop. I’m using my time to the best of my ability and fitting in whatever I can fit in during my waking hours. When I sleep, I’m dreaming of animals and movie stars and taking what meaning I can from the messages I’m sure are there to be discovered.

This morning over 60 black crows filled our yard, our sky, our ‘space’ with their chatter and fluttering. It was a bit scary yet amazing at the same time. The crow (or raven) represents magic in many spiritual circles. I believe it exists in mine.

I believe it because I’m pretty sure that’s what I need in my world right now. Magic. Energy outside myself that can bring positive change.

Because when life is precious and we’re spending all our time attempting to squelch the magic out of the preciousness with the ‘busy-ness’ and the ‘just gottas’ and the ‘must dos’…well, then I think we feel how I’m feeling. Mixed up. Sad…and still grateful. It’s an effer of a conundrum. An effer of an oxymoron. Because as much as I’m feeling all these different emotions, the gift is that I can.

There is much I’m not telling you. Today, I just can’t. But trust me when I say our family needs a magic touch. A spiritual blanket to hold us and carry us through this time. Angels to pour (not just sprinkle) preciousness dust on us and keep us connected, breathing, alive and in love. Even it some parts are broken,  healing is happening.

Zio Rob’s Hand by Vanessa Shields, September 29, 2013

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4 thoughts on “Life Update (Magic)

  1. Vanessa, I swear you are the most alive, spiritually aware, open-hearted person I have ever had the great good fortune to meet on my journey. Magic? It rolls off you in waves. There’s nothing to fear. Stay open. All shall be well.

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  2. Hey Vanessa,
    Ditto to what Penny-Anne said! I so appreciate your openness with your processing. It helps me look at what I’m experiencing, and wishing I could express it as well. Hugging you for your struggles and sending wishes for you to always know… the magic is alive… everyone forgets sometimes!
    =0) Karen

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