Spiritual Vertigo
3 am and i’m spinning blink see stars blink hear my blood moving squeeze eyes shut spinning spinning my brain drowning in a change tornado awake and spinning i am spiral updraft muscles manipulated tensing for ground but there is no ground i can’t feel my feet on the wood spinning spinning blood thrumming i am held together only by skin and my skin is screaming spinning spinning i hunch shuffle to the toilet release spinning spinning miracle my way back to bed everything awake spinning spinning i am scared i am panicked i am dying it feels like i’m dying spinning my body witnessing the confused end spinning spinning sleep takes me another miracle next awakening less spin more tension tightness more fear feet still dazzling buzzing slowly slowly to the kitchen for gravol for hope for an ending to the spinning my neck a corridor warped groggy quitting this upheaval in schedule in pace in peace balance the slimy worm slurped by the hungry robin i was doing so well then change small endings big beginnings and the scale topples so i spin spin feet find the earth feet find the earth the freezing cold earth
Friends…i’m in it today…but i’m not as dizzy as I was at 3am…thank goodness. I’m in the centre of a confluence of experiences…spiritually and physically. I forgot how hard it is to raise a puppy. So…sloughing through the discombobulance…in my body that was so grounded post-retreat…and is now lifting up and off…I’ll realign! It’s just one of the days when anxiety and worry and exhaustion need to be shown the door. I’m working on it. Much love.
VANESSA SHIELDS 