Friends! Gah. And so, after 231 poems in a row, life got too busy, my exhaustion took the lead, and I let it. On Friday, August 21, I was on the film set for thirteen hours and when I got home, I couldn’t do anything but eat, rest then sleep! Then, yesterday, I drove to Hamilton for the last of my out-of-town Heart Tour stops, and had an extraordinary reading with Chantel Daniels at the loveliest little cafe, Synonym. After a delicious Thai food dinner and a heart-to-heart talk with family, it was suddenly 11:15pm (!), and I fell swimmingly, deliriously happy into bed. Which brings us to today, Sunday, August 23, and finally the time and energy to write some poetry and get it posted! Thank you for your patience! I will send another post with photos and words about the Heart Tour poetry reading.
AUGUST 21
Track and Field Day
the humiliation of walking into school
when I should have been running
around the track, the squinting eyes
of the teacher judging my failure
sitting in a desk doing math equations
as punishment in the open concept
area on the second floor, other kids
laughing at the tears I couldn’t hold in
that morning, her voice yelling at me
You can’t stay home!
I have to work!
Stop being a suck!
secret vomit and excrement in the bathroom
my guts a toiling sea, a kraken of fear exploding
I’m alone with my nervous system in panic
this day will be the worst yet less worse
than running around a track, alone
and somehow I knew this in the deeps
of my roiling blood, where the ability
to listen to my body began its gestation
but when the coach’s red mustache
curled to his undernose, and he said:
you let your team down
everyone gets nervous
a flash of heated defeat death-ed
the ability and I forget how to listen
AUGUST 22
Perfect Day I
wake when my body wakes
stretch into a strand of sunlight
kiss the puppy’s mouth
squeeze the husband’s hand
get out of bed & enjoy a long pee
sip coffee from a hand-made mug
read chapters and chapters
write in my journal
re-fill the coffee mug
meditate
eat chicken, rice, garlic sauce
drink cold diet pepsi
read chapters and chapters
swim naked
kiss the puppy’s mouth
write a poem
embrace the children
stare into the husband’s eyes
read chapters and chapters
naked swim under the full moon
sleep, dreamless
AUGUST 23
Maps V
manhattan oval
central forest sanctuary
a writer’s canvas
Happy day!
VANESSA SHIELDS 