On Writing · Writing Life

Oh, Autumn.

Today, I feel Autumn in my elbows. In the yarn-like pain that pulls as I bend my arm up and down, up and down.

Today, I smell Autumn on the hip of the wind. In the wide dirt-like scent of the earth yearning for a sip of water.

Today, I hear Autumn on the earlobe of the rain. In the sighing sweet-nothing-like whisper of soft raindrops.

I think that the season is changing.

Despite my protestations for more heat.

Despite my we-didn’t-do-enough-ness that always come like a slap at the end of August.

Despite my heart telling my brain and body I don’t want summer to be over, I find myself lighting candles and reaching for a sweater.

Sigh.

I’ve been alive for over forty years, and you’d think I’d get used the changes each season brings…you’d think I’d be prepared for the changes that come over and over each year….but I’m not. I’m still surprised when in mid-July I look at my calendar and realize that nope, I will not have loads of time to re-write that novel. I have such high hopes for myself, for the energy I think I’ll have to do so many things over ‘the summer’…but it always turns out differently than I was so ‘sure’ it would go.

And now, Autumn has been telling us she’s coming each evening bringing with her gusty winds that make my skin rise to meet her. I’ve had the windows open and I’ve stood in the path of said wind and inhaled deeply, thankfully because I do love the Autumn…even though I’m never quite prepared when she arrives…at least not fully.

My want to read, read, read is a distinct indication that the season is changing…I’m eyeing the blankets on the sofa like they’re some sort of candy aisle I want to jump into and wrap myself in. I want to read, read, read when the season changes.

I want to write, write, write in the Autumn too. So badly. And this feeling comes on strong like a premonition. I can see myself sitting at a desk typing away on my laptop. I can feel how amazing it feels to be doing the work.And yet…I get this feeling when there is still a week or two left in the summer – and I have to tell myself – not yet. How amazing it is getting caught up in all these in-betweens.

We’ve had a wonderful summer vacation though. We’ve spent time in cottages and hotels, swimming in pools and in lakes. I read five novels, for goodness sake! I had weird urges to post photos on instagram…and then didn’t because somehow…I feel like these moments are too sacred to share in that arena. And I’m struggling with sharing in that regard…because the world feels messy and very, very wobbly…and so do I…and that brings on an un-sure-ness that keeps me holding back.

The moments of joy and love and sadness and reflection – they’re all there and alive, and that is important and real.

And OUCH my finger joints are aching too as I write this!

Oh, Autumn. I feel you.

Do you feel her too?

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