Poem 132 – Even when

Even when

Even when you have everything you need the voice turns to hand & holding
a dull kitchen knife – like the one you use to sshhhllllttt open the Amazon box – cuts you wide then points inside to that writhing worm of envy slick & shiny teeth biting at the cold air wall of being caught  This the voice slimes This

---

Yesterday, my comparison monster reared her scraggle-tooth face. She’s still here…spreading her wings of envy and flapping them at my face. I’m looking at her. Watching her. Giving her space to exist. I’m preparing some poetry to submit, and tomorrow and the next night I’ll be reading and talking with other writers. It all makes me nervous and emotional and contemplative and my monsters come out. The process of deciding what poems to read before a reading is important. I want to be prepared. I want to read what my heart and mind wants to read. I want to be able to speak passionately and confidently about the work, the words, the meanings…but always, precisely as I’m beginning this process, my courage slips out the back door and goes for a long run. The monsters move in. I have to go to battle for my work. I’ll handle it. But this is where I’m at. Today. If you’re here too or ever have been…here’s a hand. My hand. Nobody’s free of the monsters.

---