Today’s truths…
The magic is everywhere…the clock gives me 34s and 11:11s, each song on the radio is a message from an angel…the title of the song, the lyrics…the birds swoop above me, reminding me how to fly…family and friends storm me with love…in voice, in texts, in emails…I’m a grateful and could not breathe without this reality…
Yet there is an armour of fear over my chest causing very little can penetrate…and if it does, it is slippery…fluid and drains into the darkness…even though I feel the worry and the fear…the love and light seems not to hold space…
When I read a paragraph in a book, I think: damn, that’s amazing. I can’t do that…
When I hear a beautiful voice sing, I think: I wish I could sing like her…
When I see my reflection in the mirror, I think: who are you?
An incredible phenomenon is that the cruelty aimed at me, and the pain it electrifies has been living in me for as long as I can remember…I am staring at this feast of inner darkness…
The voices in my head filter everything through comparison. The voices in my head filter everything through should I? Shouldn’t I? What will they think? Who will read it? Who will care and how? Is any of it supposed to matter? If so, how? What am I supposed to ‘like’…?
My thoughts are in full spin. My light is in full strobe. And like the birds, I swoop in and out of feeling ‘me’ and yet I can’t feel the movement flight enables…I can’t be still in anything for long enough to know it…
If my purpose is in the words, in the meanings, in the being in the language that connects us…this disconnection I feel is terrifying…
I’m in the ellipsis…between the dots…stumbling or crawling or hiding or standing up in my strength like a maple tree…only to break open and see the sun shining on the seeds vibrating in my soul…
I can see myself on the stages of my destiny…but I can’t feel my body…
The magic is alive. I know that…my intuition is in synch…but the rest…the rest in tornado…
And so…how to navigate? How to choose? There are so many doors…
If I’m quiet it’s because I’m taking to the page…I’m going to the words, to the meanings, to the possibilities…because I really, really want to take hold of my flapping heart reins and see the beauty of the paths ahead…
(…and someone will think this is dramatic, and someone will think I’m being silly, and someone will roll their eyes, and someone will say – there’s a war going on and people who are homeless, stop complaining, and someone will…and someone will…and someone will….and all these someone’s are in my mind…yelling or punching or laughing or choking….and the someones lead me into spirals that I jump into because still another someone wants to understand, to listen, to help, to change, to love, to love, to love…the spirals all end and I am…I am…)
VANESSA SHIELDS, writer 
This someone is grateful for your intimate sharing. We are in sync in the Oneness as evidenced by my video, Love Speaks, today. It explores the same theme. We are breaking through the madness, knowing that within our essential self sanity awaits, always there waiting, willing and watchful. It IS in the choosing, isn’t it? Love you madly my soulfriend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen Vanessa, as long as you “ tell the truth”. Seeing the “ death threats “ against the press, especially women, is scary stuff! Hitler said, “ The press is the enemy of the people “. Pollievre says the same thing. That guy could be the next prime minister! He’s a “ Trumper”, and wants abortion banned here in Canada! We are regressing! As Poet Laureate, you have “ a voice”. My friend, Dr. Peter Naus, of the U of Waterloo, says “ There were always voices Against Nazism”. Sadly, very few listened or cared. A great book by Deborah Cohen , is “ Last Call at the Hotel International “ It details the events in Germany, Italy and Russia with the rise of Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini . American correspondents saw this happening, and reported on it. Almost no one was “ listening “. The same thing is happening now, I fear!!
The same movement towards dictatorship is happening now. Who is speaking, Who is listening?
Sent from my iPad
>
LikeLiked by 1 person