*CONTENT WARNING – There are curse words in this poem*
Chicane – Again
So I’m in the shower and my brain is going as it does in the shower thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking about singing but I don’t have the music on and thinking about turning 50 and what I will sing at the performance and what brand of conditioner will I use and why I use two different kinds of soaps for different parts of my body and nah, I’m not shaving, I’ll wear pants to the party later and what is that word I wrote about in a poem that word that is the title that means curve in a race car track and rinse and rinse pull my fingers through my long hair it’s so long almost covering my boobs and what is that word? that word, it starts with a ‘c’… I think with a ‘ch’….cha-chu-chi…what is that word? rinse and rinse and turn off the water and RAISE FIST AND YELL – CHICANE! and burst into a fit of maniacal laughter because: naked woman raises fist in the shower when she remembers a word, because naked woman’s naked lower belly jiggles the harder she laughs, because naked 48-year-old woman is home alone and is raising a fist and is laughing hysterically and is grabbing the towel and drying tears from her eyes and naked woman is wrapping the towel around her body then leaning against the wall and slapping it because she’s still laughing now, laughing at herself laughing and slapping the wall and the puppy side-eyes her then licks his junk and she laughs at the puppy who’s so on-pointe because I am a 48-year old woman who gets lonely sometimes when she’s alone and working on her poetry and then she takes a shower to awake her body and move her brain to think about other words that she can’t goddamned remember and then she does and she celebrates: fist-raising celebrates – that the word comes back to her like a child or a dream or a fit of laughter and even though I felt my lower belly jiggle and I was embarrassed I was more embarrassed to be slapping a wall laughing maniacally because I goddamned remembered the word and as the tears rolled down my reddening cheeks I fucked off embarrassment and enjoyed the jiggly-belly laughter because chicane!
VANESSA SHIELDS 