Feeling Haiku
ripe anger canyon
hummingbird wings weak in winds
feeder out of reach
Tender Freedoms
It’s September first and I’m having some feelings about it! Parts of me are flabbergasted – how could this be happening already? Where did August go? I’m. Not. Ready. For. Socks. And yet, other parts of me are makings lists: Fall Films to Watch, Fall Nesting To Dos, Back-to-School Shopping… All the parts are leaning into the changes that come with the fall season, and I think this is where I’m feeling navigationally challenged. Whereas I’m yearning for the steady schedule of school-based time (both kids are in university now!), I’m also yearning for days of slack and reading and swimming, you know, vacation! This summer has been wildly busy with snippets of rest and recovery (vacation-ish?), but certainly not enough. And, much of it, alone. I’m missing the togetherness of family since we are all busy in our own lives. I was talking to a friend, a mom with two kids, and we were shocked to discover that we couldn’t remember the last time we’d had a meal with our family when everyone was together. We promised we’d make it happen!
This fall is no less busy! I have many events for the Heart Tour that reach into November. But, I’ve planned a solo trip to Newfoundland for a week mid-November to visit my writing partner, Charis, in her cottage at the end of ocean, for an intensive writing retreat-rejuvenation! This trip on the books is helping me stay motivated as the season begins its shift, and I take one day, one event at a time.
I realized also, that the last time I had a book tour was in 2016/17. It was for my book Look At Her. I had readings in Toronto, if I remember correctly. I was 38-years-old. That is bananas to me. I hadn’t started peri-menopause. Hadn’t opened Gertrude’s Writing Room. The kids were still so young, 8 and 10 years old. I was in an entirely different body and mind! Thimbles published during Covid, so there was no book tour to be had. So yeah, when I consider what a book tour feels like now versus ten years ago… is it a wonder that I’m so tired, and relieved that the traveling stops are complete now? Weird things (obsessions?) like a sudden fear of driving in the rain, and worrying about where to stop to poop, and what food to eat that won’t kill my guts… raised like wildflowers with each little trip. And then, all the alone-time in the car, and being so well-taken care of by friends and family – everything from being cooked delicious meals to not having to wake up at 4:30am to let a puppy out to pee to staying up late talking deeply… it was discombobulating, and I wasn’t prepared for the feelings that came with these… tender freedoms, if I may.
I fear I’ve got a bit of Future-itis now. Having experienced some incredible ‘living’ filled with laughter, food, rest and rejuvenation, my mind is furiously putting energy toward making new dreams to make this a way of living a possibility… at some point in the future. But the future can be demanding, and I really don’t have the time to obsess with her! I’m doing my best to give her spurts of attention… then jump back into the present.
The present… is filled with many presents! I hope to hug you at one… or more!
SEPTEMBER HEART TOUR EVENTS!
This Sunday! Please join us for the Sunday service where Mariette Jones and I will engage in a conversation about creativity! I’m sooo excited to have this conversation in the open… and there will be a Q & A afterward as well! Service starts at 10:30am. Here is where Unity Spiritual Centre it is/how to park:
Please note, this is a non-denominational service, and there is no pressure regarding attending another service.
Spots are filling up for this FREE mini-panel about the creative collaboration of self-publishing! We still require registration as seating is limited! Refreshments/coffee will be available. And, bring your curiosity – we’re hoping for a stellar q & a! To register, email me! shieldsvanessa@gmail.com.
If you’re wondering what’s different about this conversation about self-publishing it is that we are coming at it from a heart-centred, collaborative effort path. Yes, we’ll talk about the publishing tangibles (printing, editing, etc.), but we’re also focusing on how our creative dignity, heart-goals and personal values around creativity itself motivated and affected our self-publishing choices.
Stay tuned as well for another Creativity Cavern class! More to come! Thank you for your love and support!
VANESSA SHIELDS 