This morning I woke up with a nervous stomach. My sleep was interrupted over and over again by the kids. I think Halloween wrecked havoc on their system – not just because of the candy, which they didn’t have that much of, but because our usual nightly schedule was off as well. They kept waking up so I was carrying them back and forth from their bed to mine and vice versa. The last time I looked at the clock it said 5:45am. Already.
Then I had a dream that I was in this big field in a county somewhere and I needed a horse. I knew where this horse was and how to call him. There were a couple other people with me that already had horses and were ready to go. They didn’t believe that I could summon this amazing horse I was telling them about, but I did. I don’t know how I did it besides thinking and wishing really hard for it. Then it came galloping at me and stopped right beside me with a huff. It was tall, leggy with shiny black hair. I hopped on and we rode off.
I was woken up at that point. After I fell back asleep, I had a high school dream. I have high school dreams when I’m anxious about something in my waking life. They are always filled with extreme anxiety, which I think is because I was anxious for the full five years of my high school career. In this dream, I was coming back to the school as myself. Older but not the wiser. As soon as I was thrust into the throngs of loud, fast-moving students in the hall, I felt my worry squeeze over me. Where was my classroom? What class was it? Was there an assignment due? I was confused and sweaty. Then, once all the students cleared, I was able to walk down the halls and find the office so I could ask someone where to go and what to do. Of course, when I got to the office, I didn’t ask about my classes, I asked about clubs. How would I make sure that I was part of the student council? Did they still have an office? Were there any events I could plan and lead?
Sigh. Such a reflection, I tell you. Such a reflection. Even in my dreams I can’t escape my incessant need to ‘be involved’ and run things…oh, I just remembered another part of the dream. I was at my grandparent’s house. I felt like I was forgetting something. Something big and important. My cell phone rang and I missed the call, but I heard the message. My friend from high school was coming to pick me up to bring me to the bus so we could go on a trip. I totally forgot about the trip. I wasn’t packed. I didn’t have any money. I didn’t tell my family I was going. The guy showed up and I had to tell him that I couldn’t join the group. He was really bummed out. I had paid for it already, but that seemed to not bother me. He left.
I have a very faint image of me sitting in a swing hanging from a giant tree, like one of those giant spinning swing rides at an amusement park. I was swinging in one of the chairs when this spaceship-like flying thing came to get me and all the others on the tree-swing. We were the chosen ones to go on this special trip. The trip that I later forgot about and didn’t go on.
Another sigh. There are some truths in here somewhere…
1) My dreams are very reflective of my waking life. If I’m stressed or worried in my life, then my dreams fill me with the same feelings and emotions. I have recurring dreams because this part of me is recurring. My worry and anxiety. But, I have to say that it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes my anxiety is mixed with a lot of excitement. And anxiety and excitement exist in the same place in my body for me – my guts. Today is the first day of National Novel Writing Month. For the first time in my life, I’m participating. This is what’s causing me anxiety. I’m both excited and nervous to write. It’s not silly, it’s my truth. I get this way. It’s also Tuesday which means it’s my day to write and do all things writing related. This brings me great joy and excitement.
2) I dream about animals often and when I do, I always consult my dream book: Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. What does horse signify (note: my Chinese astrology animal is horse) :
Keynote: Travel, Power and Freedom
…Horse people are friendly and adventurous, and they can be very emotional (Chinese astrology)…The horse enabled people to find freedom and explore from the constraints of their own community..they signify the wind and even the foam of the sea…they are symbols that can express the magical side of humans…It has been a symbol of desires – especially sexual…If a horse has shown up in your life, it may be time to examine aspects of travel and freedom within your life….Horse brings with it new journeys. It will teach you how to ride into new directions to awaken and discover your own freedom and power.
I have to say that all this sounds completely legitimate for where I’m at in my life. In my writing life, especially. I can’t wait for the writing freedom that Tuesday’s bring me, even if it’s only for a few hours. In these few hours, I do feel a sense of freedom I don’t feel when I’m doing any else in my life. Thus, it makes me feel powerful. I’m so connected to words and how I can choose to put them together to tell a story or make a point. It’s invigorating.
We are planning a family vacation in December so, quite literally, travel is in my near future. I’m very looking forward to this excursion.
On the other hand, I’m traveling every time I write – into the lives of the characters that speak to me and pull themselves out of my imagination.
3) NaNoWriMo starts today. Here’s my comittment (why do I never know how the spell this word?!) to NaNoWriMo: I WILL WRITE MY NOVEL EVERYDAY. Today, I don’t have anything more specific to tell you about it, like word count or time alottment. I can’t be that specific. But I’m on it. I’m so very on it. If you’re joining this crazy challenge too – good luck! Happy writing.
Thanks for reading.
PS. I’m not editing so if there are typos/spelling errors…I apologize!