I’m the calmest I’ve felt in ever. I can’t say it’s writing-related elation. Nope. I have Jenn Merritt, owner of ‘State of Being’ to thank. She performed a Reiki treatment on me this morning. She re-aligned my state, if you will.
My mind is so quiet, and it’s quiet that it’s quiet, and that’s quite a thing.
I hold control in my belly (is that why it’s so big?!).
My right ear is always itchy due to inflammation and irritation. My left ear is completely blocked. Right side = male side. Left side = female. Did you know if you cup my ears with your warm hands for more than ten seconds I’ll burst into a fit of insane, unstoppable, crying laughter? Try me.
Today’s truth is this:
It’s okay to not do anything.
It’s okay to drop the control freak on the paint peeling steps of my cement porch. It’s okay to give my critics the day off. Send them away on a complaining vacation anywhere but in my brain. Sit her in the corner and give her a three-year time out. Or whatever amount of time it takes. To let me breathe in silence and peace.
This NaNoWriMo event is perfect for a control freak like me. I hold a 50,000 word-count ball of pressure on my chest and push on it as the days go by and I don’t write. Or I do write. It really doesn’t matter. I’m always pushing. Pressuring. Wishing and wanting for more.
I’ve a wee bit of an over-achiever in me.
It’s okay. I’ve left her strapped in Miller’s car seat in the car outside.
Today, I want to just do what I want to do. If I work on my novel, I work on my novel. If I don’t, I don’t.
I’d like to schedule (is this ironic?) a ‘NOTHING DAY’. Doesn’t mean I do nothing all day, it simply means I don’t write that list of things to do. I don’t make any plans. I wake up and do what I do. (I bet it doesn’t surprise you that my husband begs this of me every weekend…)
It’s not easy. Or it is easy. Errrrr.
You can see how deeply embedded the controller in me is. I think that’s a sign I should stop.
Stop and listen to the quiet.
I’m going now. To do what I do. Even if it’s nothing on my list. Especially if it’s nothing on my list.