POEM A DAY – July 13

(perimenopausal) summertime sadness

it’s not fair because i don’t want to feel sad, to feel my muscles putty and my bones sigh as I trudge through grocery store aisles reeling at outrageous prices and doing bad math in my brain between the chunks of sadness that are sad to be spending money that are sad to be able to spend money that are sad and guilty for privileges then i’m sad that I get angry when I think of the word privilege because inequality makes me sad and competitive suffering makes me sad and my guts make me sad and even the red tag on-sale high-protein yogurt makes me sad and I’m sad that an apple is not forty-seven cents, I mean, shouldn’t it be? I’m sad i feel too sad to feel able to put love in the world and i’m sad as i cut the zucchini and i’m sad as I cut the chicken and i’m sad as I watch dirty dancing and see how sad baby is when she tells johnny how afraid she is of not feeling the way she feels when she’s with him and i’m sad i didn’t buy chocolate because i was feeling sad and guilty when i passed it in the grocery store and i’m sad it’s nearly eight and i haven’t sent this poem into the sad, sad, sad world and and it’s not fair because i don’t want to feel sad but my heart is low and tender. the end.