642 in 20 · On Writing

642 in 20 – #1

Where would you be now if you had married your first love?

Good question. I’m pretty sure he’s living in the states somewhere, so  I’d likely be there living with him. We’d probably have kids. We’d probably have lots of money and a big house. I’m not sure how much I would see him because he’d probably have a fancy-pants job.

That would mean I’d be away from my immediate family and I know this would be hard for me.

I’d probably be in good shape.

I’d still be a writer.

I’m not sure where I’d be in my writing career.

We’d probably have a dog.

Maybe a pool in the yard. A cleaning lady.

I don’t know, for some reason I feel like we’d be living a pretty cushy life.

Isn’t it ironic that I’m married to and living with my one true love now?

I remember how hard I loved this ‘first’ love though. I remember it feeling like ‘this is it! This is real love and I want to have it forever!’. We shared a journal. We’d take turns writing to each other and responding to each other. That was a unique part of our relationship. I still have the journal. It is filled with great memories.

He taught me how to french kiss. He had a lot of patience with me in this regard. Thank you!


We had a lot in common. We were both athletes. We were both academics. We both loved to swim.

He was older than I. In this regard, some things never change!

I remember the summer he broke up with me. It was hot, humid. He was graduating. I wasn’t. He thought he was heading out of town for school…and that a long-distance relationship just wouldn’t cut it in his world. He broke up with me in his car while it was parked outside of my house. I was wearing cut-off jean shorts. He commented on my thigh cellulite when I got out of the car. Yes, that made being angry at him for dumping me much, much easier.

That summer, while sitting in my front yard on a clear plastic blow-up chair with blue pom-pom balls inside of it, I read ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand.

I’ll never forget that book. How it moved me through that painful summer of wishing I hadn’t been dumped by first love, and then learning that it was totally okay. Better, in fact.

I’ve been in love three times in my life. Almost four.

I married my true love ten years ago. I made the right choice, without a doubt.

Honestly, had I not been dumped that sticky, cellulite-showing day, I think the break-up would have been inevitable. I don’t think we would have stayed together, much less got married. Funny.

(Wow. Twenty minutes is a long time! I’m finding myself searching for more things to write…perhaps it’s the topic?)

I’ve had dreams about this guy over the years. Bizarre, vivid dreams that always have water in them. I think it’s because in essence I was drowning whilst with him…and because we spent so much time together at swim practices and swim meets!

Love has been very, very kind to me, and I to it.

Love is the most important thing in the world, wouldn’t you say?


2 thoughts on “642 in 20 – #1

  1. We often wonder, don’t we? I agree though, any crass cellulite comment is a deal breaker! In addition, as much as people claim Ayn Rand is evil etc, reading her books pulled me through some pretty bleak times in my early 20s. I love her dramatic, relentless characters. That’s what I love.


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