The results are in! My ta-tas are just fine! All the squeezing and squishing garnered a clean slate for the boobies. Thanks for joining me on the journey…we’ll meet again in two years!
And my guts? Well, my guts are much better. I’ve been sleeping more and really focusing on not stressing out about my novel. It’s not easy, though. I’ve been paying more attention to my body and I realize I do this weird thing…I…hold….my….breath. I do. It’s like, I’ll be sitting here typing or be curled up reading or be washing the dishes and I’ll suddenly feel like my stomach is all tight and my chest hurts. I have to exhale – push out my belly – and then take a large inhale. Sometimes I even get light-headed. Isn’t that crazy? So I’ve been really watching and making sure that my belly is relaxed and that I literally need to remember to breathe (seems like that might be my next tattoo!).
Why do I do this? Some ideas: I’ve been a swimmer since I was a baby. All through my formative years and well into high school and university, I swam. That includes three years as a competitive synchronized swimmer…
Proof (Gee, I wish I could find a photo of me all suited up!!):
You can see the badges I earned as well as my ‘official’ membership card (too funny!). And that sequenced (spelling?) thingy? That’s what went on my head. Around my high, tight bun that stayed perfect because we put gelatin in it! #forrealz
Holding my breath was integral to success as a synchronized swimmer. I remember holding my breath so long I got that weird sound from my insides, kinda like letting air out of a balloon by stretching the part you blow into – because my lungs needed air. Anyway, my body, I think, got use to holding its breath.
That’s literally. Figuratively, I think that this time in my life is so near to a massive change because of my novel…that old saying ‘don’t hold your breath’…well, I’m living the opposite. I’m so (CUSSING) close to finishing and sending it off to the (patiently) waiting agent (goddesses love her!) that I’m the one holding my breath at myself to get it done! Gah. And so, the lesson here is to be gentle on my self. My mind. My body. Keep working hard without overworking (ain’t that easier typed than done!).
Between being conscious of not holding my breath, and not worrying about the fact that I keep forgetting words all the time (like, simple, every day words…), it’s enough for me to work on!
Please don’t read this out loud because that will make it real, but I’m just about ready for school to start and for mama nature to do her thang with the fall.
I will not expand on that. (Except in the size of the letters.)
So, the knockers are good. The guts are better.
Reading helps.
I’ve been reading like a…hmmm. What’s a metaphor? Newly imprisoned criminal? Is that rude?
Here’s my summer reading list. I’ve linked them to my Goodreads account so if you’re interested in reading my comments, you can. 🙂
For Your Safety, Please Hold On by Kayla Czaga
The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling
In The Unlikely Event by Judy Blume
The Collected Works of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee
The Paris Wife by Paula McLain
Midwives by Chris Bojhalian (currently reading)
I’m also sifting through these two books whenever I need some inspiration:
Origin of Inspiration by Samuel Adoquei
Rilke’s Book of Hours Love Poems to God by Rilke (Translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy)
Honestly? I can’t believe I’m reading so much! I don’t remember such a high-volume reading summer since I was a teenager. I think it’s because the books are so damn good, and because I’m working on my novel. I need to read to keep my brain away from my own storyline and characters. And, not sure if you noticed, but none of the titles are Young Adult. I can’t (choose not to) read YA when I’m writing YA. I can read poetry when I’m writing poetry, but not the other way around.
What have you read this summer?
Well, thanks for reading, friends. Thanks for the love and support and ‘get better’ wishes. I’ve taken them all, rubbed them over my guts and heart – and I feel the love!
VANESSA SHIELDS, writer 