Today I am a list
A stack of things to do
A worker bee with hopes of
impressing my queen and my
queen is accomplishment
Thick gooey sweet honeycomb
Get it done
At first, I am distracted by the list of things to do today. It is long, not to arduous, but the things on it will take all day to get done…and I know for sure that at least two things will not get done today at all. Why do I torture myself by putting them on the list? Maybe for the same reasons why I write: get up, eat food, drink water on the list. Some things you just want to cross off so that the things you can’t don’t look so smug.
It takes me a few minutes to open my heart to a poem…and what comes out feels…sticky but sweet. I try not to judge myself on the topic as I write.
We say ‘Oh look! The sun is shining!’
On days when the sky is sassy blue
When the birds are in chorus when
The bones are rested when we can hear
The magical tender chattering of trees
But the sun is always shining
The sun is always shining and
We are lazy with our words
So easily manipulated by
Sky coverage
We accumulate like clouds
Consider that the sky half
Empty of light
Instead of always
perfectly full
Oh look! The sun is shining!
Constant like yellow breath
Desperately blasting pouring
Down her love in infinite abundance
Yes the sun gives infinitely
She only knows to shine
She accepts her gift
Oh look! The sun is shining!
Our planet’s wisest teacher
With the sky as her blackboard
And the earth as her playground
Yes, you understand
We are her students
Consider that she will never test us
But we will always learn – be capable
Of testing ourselves for the incredible
Opportunity to fail to discover to choose
The sun is always shining
I’m getting more distracted by the talk of ‘lifting’…lifting bans, lifting closures…and confused by articles of ‘second rounds’ and ‘no vaccines so this virus will keep running circles’…how does one breathe with all this going on?
Today, it’s by making a list. Writing things on it that are doable – simple, easy, kind. Writing things on it that aren’t. Because there is always some kind of struggle to endure. Some kind of pain.
I’ll laugh hard with the kids. I’ll kiss the dogs and get fur in my mouth. I’ll eat sweet and follow it up with salt. I’ll hold hands with the husband. I’ll walk outside and try to pull the sun deeper into my skin. I’ll inhale the smells of wet dirt and listen harder to what the trees have to say. Huh. I just realized that none of these things are on my list.
Be kind. Hug yourself. I’m hugging you too.
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VANESSA SHIELDS, writer 