Spring Snow & A Good Interruption

Spring Equinox was March 19. Today, it’s snowing. *She throws her head back and laughs.* Indeed, our spring is showing signs of continued confusion by way of Mother Nature’s choices. As much as she’s teaching us about accountability, I believe she’s also teaching us about going with the flow of change. That even change…can have changes.

One thing’s for sure…the flowers are popping up, from earth that looks unliveable, but also in grocery stores…and they’re beautiful and lush and they smell sooo good!

Have you been re-acquainted with your motivation? Oh, friends! I am *FINALLY* feeling that whisper-burn of ‘hey, let’s do this, shall we? And um, then let’s do it again!’ It feels like I haven’t had any bond with my motivation in a very long time. I know that being peri-menopausal is a good chunk of the reason, but I think it also has to do with the light, the warmth, and the seasonal changes that the earth shows me. I have become very attuned to moon phases and seasonal cycles in the last few years, and, the season that I’ve come to learn most about in my body is Winter. That it’s okay to hibernate, get a little soft in muscle and mind…and hunker down into books and films and long conversations. The darkness welcomes this kind of cave-like curving in.

But now! Oh, there is still light at 7pm! And I’m finding I have the most energy between 7pm and 9pm for writing, editing, and other mind-heavy work. I’ve been folding (any kind of!) exercise back into my days…hoping to continue to build a habit so that my body won’t be in pain each time I do a new exercise. I was on the treadmill earlier this week. I ran…but then my shin splintered and calves felt like they were going to burn off. I had to stop. It was…frustrating and scary. I did a long stretch after, and had an intense somatic experience which caused a load of sobbing. Poor Jett heard me and came over to see if I was okay. He’s 17-going-on-18 and keeps to a pretty rigorous fitness routine. I felt embarrassed…but I told him I was crying because my body can’t do what it used to do, and it hurts in odd places without any kind of warning or consistency. And that’s…well, it’s scary. He offered some suggestions to help things hurt less…and it was sweet. And he was right, although I’d already been doing the things he’d suggested…and the pain was still alive and well. I finished my stretching and wiped my face…(And promptly denied the grief of children growing up to elbow into my current weeping. )

I use my body so much. Is that weird to say? I have always been in good communication with my physical body, especially since being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis when I was 19. (And more recently, another auto immune disease has joined the party…but it’s under control.) I use my body for ‘meta’-physical guidance too. That is, my intuition gets stronger each day, my psychic ability increases as much as I’ll let it (sometimes it’s scary…but I’m trying not to be scared!). Energetically, my body is constantly at work. Energetically, I feel…maybe 14? But there is a disconnect between my ‘energetic’ me and my ‘physical’ me. Like, the things I envision/dream/visualize (synonyms!) are oftentimes not actually possible in the body I’m in. For example, I can envision myself running with ease and strength, but when I (try to) do it…my body has different capabilities, which recently, do not include mobility without pain. So I have to be slower, gentler, more patient and find new ways to work with my physical body.

(*The censor is going berserk in my head right now. Pointing at me, shaking her head. Telling me this is ablelist language/writing…and I want to recognize her presence and acknowledge that it is not my intention to be discriminatory. I am sharing my experience within my body for the purpose of understanding it, and creating connections.)

My goal is to remain strong in body and mind and spirit, because I want to live a lot longer, to be able to hold my grandkids, to climb mountains with my husband, to help family and friends. I have become acutely aware of what that means in terms of paying attention to my body, mind and spirit, as time passes. When I think about it, this body…this gift of vessel, has been working for 45 years. Do cars last that long? Airplanes? I know I’m not a machine, however, sometimes it helps for me to consider that my body needs certain things like a car or airplane needs in order to be able to function and function well. It’s okay that some parts are feeling the work of 45 years. But I want to live well for at least 45 years more, so that means continued attention and learning and maintenance in this vessel.

My equinox pull was on point! (As usual!) But the biggest take-away was a line about ‘interruption’…which was the EXACT same line that my fabulous therapist said to me during our afternoon session.

“…you can connect to others in a healthy way once you recognize your patterns and consciously choose to INTERRUPT them…”

Wisdom of the Oracle Divination Cards by Colette Baron-Reid

I like the idea of interrupting something…a pattern, a fear, a habit. I like the space there is in the interruption for pause and reflection. And, in fact, I had consciously engaged in a pattern-interrupting action…without recognizing it as such, so when the words arrived to show me…what an exhilarating experience that was!

The day of the spring equinox is a day marking…

“…a time for freedom and resilience in our bodies (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, political)…”

—Karen L. Culpepper © Mother Tongue Ink 2023

I hope you’re feeling this buzzy interruption in your own life. That a kind of lifting is occurring in your mind, body and spirit and you flow with the changes of the season – internal and external.

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Bookish Things

I’m currently reading ‘The Change Room‘ by Karen Connellly, my professor through Humber. It’s a hot one!

I finished read ‘Bad Cree‘ by Jessica Johns for our horror book club. It was incredible!

And…next week, a dear friend, amazing educator and incredible mother, Rita Miceli is celebrating the launch of her memoir ‘Giaci and Me‘.

Join Rita Miceli on Wednesday, March 27th, 2024 to celebrate the launch of her book Giaci and Me: A Mother’s Journey of Loving and Raising an Autistic Child. The book launch and author reading will be held from 6:30pm-8:30pm at the St. Clair Centre for the Arts, 201 Riverside Drive West, in Windsor, Ontario.  See you there!