Reverting back to writing because I love it. Because it makes me feel alive. Because I have a story to tell. I kinda lost this soul-connection over the last year. I wrote a lot in 2016 – indeed! I feel proud of the writing, but there was always gobbledeegoop mixed up in the ‘where’. In the ‘where the writing comes from’. So, I’ve done some cleaning – literal and metaphorical – and I’m ready to work my as# off, to stay focused and to finish my novel…one more time. It certainly is a process. But this time, everything feels different. It feels less in my body – where I hold worry, hope, disappointment, excitement, anxiety – it just feels clean.
When I was in high school and university, I had motivational words and posters plastered in my room. I have them as an adult…in and around my house, but I haven’t had any direct motivational words taped to my monitor for years. I brought them back. So I can stay focused.
It’s very difficult for me to say no to people – for all sorts of reasons – so I’ve gotten really great at saying ‘yes’, and then dealing with the consequences in scheduling, work, writing, etc.. But what happens in saying ‘yes’ to everyone is that I’m also saying ‘no’ to me. To the stories. To the poems. To the words. It’s not right or wrong or good or bad. It’s just what’s been so. I’ve had an incredible year in my writing life, and I want it to continue to be incredible. But I’m shifting gears….in fact, I’m getting out of the vehicle that I was back-seat driving in.
I’m taking a different path – no vehicle necessary. I’m walkin’. There’s so much to see and listen to. So much I want to write about. And I want it to be peaceful. I want to trip, get my shoes dirty. Heck, maybe even ruin my shoes. Get naked with the earth. I want to get stormed on. I want to bring the rain a sandwich. Eat and talk and play.
I’ll still be blogging because on the list of ‘writing: things that bring me joy’ blogging is high up. My brain craves the sharing bits. So, there you have it.
The writing schedule is made. I’m sticking to it. I’m sticking with this different feeling I have with my words. It’s new and scary and overwhelming, but I trust it, like the cold in my toes, that it’s the feeling I’ve been stumbling towards for quite some time now. I’m choosing to fall into it. The adventure has begun.